This time of year is the anniversary for when I made the hardest decision of my life. The choice to leave everything behind and follow my relationship with Jesus. I find that I am overly emotional this time of year. It sucks that it has become like that however I know that will just continue to get easier and easier the more happy memories that I continue to have.
I sat through a sermon this morning that was so raw in the best way. I love how I am always learning something new about myself and my creator at the same time. I would say the main thing that I got from it was "The only way to your destiny, is through difficulties and disappointment." I love the image of Jesus creating me before I was even born. Knowing exactly what my path looks like and the people I would meet and impact, and the people that would impact me. I remember before I had changed my life that I would have so much fear. Fear of what people would think, where I would live, what car I would drive, what job would I get. That was until I realized that fear is just faith put in the enemy. That was the enemy's way of controlling my life and keep me from pursuing pure happiness and eternal life. That is when God broke through those thoughts and realities that I was facing. Showing me his true power.
When you are facing things in your life that seem impossible like what I went through is when you get to see miracles happen. The truth is so many of us are just waiting for Jesus to show himself to us. To hear his voice. However most of us are used to micromanaging our own lives. We don't allow time for God to move because we are so eager to figure things out on our own. I understand that it is so much easier said then done. However I know first hand when you literally get to that breaking point in your life where there is no other way out. God will show up and pave a way for you to get where you are supposed to be.
I feel like God always had a plan for me to be exactly where I am here in North Dakota. When I think about timing if I would have moved here even 6 months before I did things wouldn't have been lined up like they were. When God was putting it on Mechelle's heart to create Grace & Glam I was still living in Shell Lake not knowing what a relationship with God even looked like. The amount of work and transformation that he did in each of us before we met is unreal. Literally...some of the things that I went through and faced are things that derail peoples entire lives. But under the protection of Jesus and him trading my heart for his those things didn't have a standing chance on derailing me.
There is so much power in having a relationship with God. I am so thankful to have had him when I went through what I did. I also know that I wouldn't have gone through that if I didn't give my life to him. So I do thank him and cherish the suffering. The hard times and all of the chaos was so worth it.
The enemy wants you to turn against God in situations like that. To think that if he is the "Savior" he wouldn't let this happen. God absolutely hates to see you suffering however, if you are truly set with eyes on him a couple of things will happen.
- The suffering won't be as bad because of the inner peace that a relationship with God brings.
- If you are praying out to him you will see things radically change in your life. Miracles will happen.
- You start to understand the true meaning of we are nothing without him.
I thank you Jesus that I am not enough because that is some responsibility that I am not able to tackle. Your never ending love for each and every one of us sustaines me and your grace consumes me. I will use my life to worship you whole heartedly. I am proud that you chose me to go through what I did so that my story can help lead people to salvation. I would go through it a million times over again knowing what you had in store for me this entire time.
You are faithful.
Photography: Gabe & Carin Black