Take a guess what #1 on my list was. Yup my relationship with my biological dad. At this point in my life I hadn't talked to him in three years. He had missed my high school graduation, college graduation, the birth of my niece and many other crucial events.
However I did not really think of him often. Because so much time had past since he was a part of my life, he wasn't in any of my stories or in the forefront of my mind anymore.
I didn't think that it was hindering me in any way until...
- We (513FREE) get to this worship event called an Awareness event. This is when we do a standard worship service in a church and talk about us as a ministry. More or less bringing "Awareness" to what we are doing. As I am looking at the congregation I notice someone. It was my Uncle from my dads side of the family. I haven't seen any of them in forever. It made me feel super uncomfortable and weird. It was all I could think about during service as we were singing my head was totally somewhere else.
- One of the other places we loved to go and worship is a rehab center called Mission Bible Training Center. One night when we were there we spent some time doing a question and answer time. People were sharing their testimonies. This should have been a super powerful thing right? Like these people that were consumed with addiction were set free because of there belief in God. However I felt myself shutting off the Holy Spirit and not believing these people. I thought maybe I am just not close enough to God that is why this isn't impacting me as much as others.
It wasn't until a few days later that God made it super apparent to me. One of the major ways God has spoken to me is through worship music. One morning I put Bethel Radio on my Pandora. If you are familiar with the app then you know a song doesn't play two times in a row. That morning "Good Good Father" played two times in a row. It brought my attention to the song and after that I kept hearing it. If you aren't familiar with the song it is about how we don't need our earthly father to be perfect because our heavenly one is.
The cool thing with God is he isn't going to show you that you have something wrong with you without creating ways for you to overcome it. He helped me overcome this by giving me opportunities.
513FREE was just beginning to start our publication with inmates called The Pen Project. It is a magazine filled with inmate artwork, testimonies, and devotionals. Traveling to these institutions we were able to meet some of the most amazing people with the craziest testimonies. I was fortunate enough to publish a letter in the first issue called "Dear Dad". It was the first time I really had to dig deep and face the things that my dads abandonment had done to my life. After writing this letter every time I talked about him it didn't hurt as bad. I stopped crying at the thought of him not being in my life and suddenly that weight was gone.
Instead of this situation ruining my thoughts on men he restored me. I opened up and started talking about my hurt. I started getting prayer for the things that the devil meant to destroy me.
I learned the song "Good Good Father" and started to worship to it with inmates all over the US. We published my letter to my dad in the first issue of The Pen Project. Seeing and hearing the way my letter had impacted people's lives made living it worth it. I was starting to see how God uses everything in your life good or bad for his glory.
The best part of it all. The same set of people at Mission Bible Training Center that I had a hard time believing there stories was the same set of people that baptized me for the first time. I was set free from that block that was put in front of me. Jesus destroyed it in the most epic way.
I will also say it is not possible to have "daddy issues" if you are filled up by your relationship with Christ. If that weren't true you can bet that I would have a string of issues.
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