It's ironic yet not at all how Satan uses the one thing that is your biggest strength as your weakness. Or maybe it's the opposite that Jesus makes your biggest weakness your most valuable strength.
The last month I have been so busy with life that I have found it more difficult to sit down and dig deep. I have said before how I struggle with nightmares as part of my spiritual warfare. I believe that we need to fill our heart so full with Jesus so that the Devil can't invade our minds. This has been a constant struggle for me to get to a place where I just don't let things bother me.
I recently have been reading this book where she talked about our lives here being a sheet and because of sin we get so many stains it that can easily takeover our view of who we are. Things like our upbringing and genetic curses dictate the way that we act and ways we perceive ourselves. We automatically file ourselves into a system that is trying to "fit in".
I have felt a huge tug recently of just disappointment. It is my birthday next week and I have been dreading it because of the thought of me not being where "I want to be". Over the past two and half weeks I felt myself slip into a slope where I wasn't being myself and was trying to cope in every way besides what can truly fix things. That was until God sat me down and reinforced who he is and just how small my vision is compared to his.
I think stumbling and going back into old patterns is healthy spiritually if we don't stay there for too long. You see having a relationship with Jesus is like going against the grain. It is hard you have to fight to make sense of your mess of a life and focus on His perfectness. It's hard to have a self esteem where you feel like you are worthy to worship someone so perfect. That is when I realized that why would someone so perfect create something so imperfect like me. He knitted us together before we were born. He placed us with our families and He is using these trials as growth spurts to remove the stains that were placed on our sheets. The truth is the only thing making me imperfect is the stains that can only be removed by Jesus. He sees us without the stains as perfect as He made us.
It is hard to grasp the fact that we are literally perfect in God's eyes. That he loves you for who you are and how you are right here in this moment. So instead of grasping on to something so temporary as that disappointed feeling grasp on to the everlasting light that is placed on the inside of each of us. You can't turn out a light that is on the inside and you can't ruin your destiny and calling that is set before you because it is already done. You just have to except it and move forward with him.
Even in our moments of disbelief and fear He is still the same.
Thank you Jesus that I am turning 26 and thank you Jesus for your provision over my future and your perfect plan. I lay my desires aside to pursue you and I know you will make my path straight.